The war against Iraq costs over 75 billion dollars. That means 75 billion for us, the arms industry and the oil companies. A few hundred thousand people will die. But who cares? We get loads of cash! That's the American Way of Life™! That's capitalism!

After the war we'll finally have easy access to Iraq's oil fields. Far too long the profits from that oil were wasted on education or health care for the Iraqis. As soon as we have our military protectorate set up in Bagdad that money will go straight into our pockets! That's how we did it in Afghanistan and Yugoslavia. That's how we'll do it in Iraq!

That's why we paid for the electoral campaign of our good old buddy Dubya. He says to hell with France and Russia. He'll secure our Iraqi oil for us! Only he can convince the American people that this war has anything to do with self-defence or democracy!

As Gerhard announced that he was against our war, we were a bit worried. But fortunately he proved his loyalty to us: He allows our bombers to fly through German air space, he protects our air bases in the FRG from evil protesters, etc. Even if Germany doesn't play a big role in this war, hopefully it will be an important player in the next one. Our employee Joschka is already preparing the road: Europe has to arm itself!

For all this we humbly thank the people of Germany. Without you this war would be impossible.

Dick Cheney President of the AAWMPA Vice-President of the USA

For freedom, democracy, and bombing Iraq!